Did you indeed, my sister?

Student: Do better? No. Apparently not.

Did you – believe – that you were doing better?

Student: I told myself that I was doing better.

Was it the self telling the self, truly and indeed? You were provided with warning on more than one occasion by Te’ Auna - that you were seeking to reward the self when the self had yet to earn reward. Do you understand?

Student: Yes. I’m struggling with that in a big way.

Indeed. For while the self promotes to others that the self is unworthy, the self feels unworthy, the self feels less than - in actuality, the self is constantly feeding the self. Do you recognize this dichotomy my sister?

Student: Yes. It’s very frustrating.

It need not be frustrating at all. It is to understand the lesson plan, to focus upon the behaviors, to understand the characters - the frustration is circumvented by understanding. Do you understand?

Student: Yes I do. Thank you.

It is the voracious appetite of the ego - the damaged portion of the self, a portion of the self that has always told the self that you were better than. It remains voracious, does it not my sister?

Student: Yes. It does.

Seeking confirmation from all around the self that the self is better, the self is better than, the self is indeed the best. Do you understand?

Student: Yes.

It is lies told to the self by the damaged portion of the self to promote failure in future, for the self is merely fooling the self. Do you understand?

Student: Yes. I do.

When you allow the ego to focus upon the teacher, to judge the teacher, you are choosing the ego my sister. Do you understand?

Student: Yes. I do.

If this is your choice, the teacher will be withdrawn. Do you understand?

Student: Yes. It’s not my choice. It’s not what I want to do.

It is the starting point - for you to begin to overrule the ego - at least in this area, my sister - with consistency; otherwise it is a waste of time to continue forth. Do you understand?

Student: I do. Thank you. I commit to change. I will dedicate my self to change.

You will fail – otherwise. It is impossible for you, my sister, to change if you cannot at least change with the teacher, for it is the opening that is needed, that must be enlarged. If you forbid the opening, then change cannot be effected. Do you understand?

Student: I do. Welcome the opening of the heart, yes? Welcome the pain? Welcome the fear?

Recognizing that the self is feeling no thing that has not been felt by those surrounding the self at this moment lightens the load, my sister; it is why you have been brought here. It would be impossible for you to walk this path otherwise. Do you agree?

Student: Yes. I agree.

It is to recognize that the self holds the self apart, that the self condemns, that the self judges. If the self cannot open with these three… do you understand my sister?

Student: I do.

I need not complete the sentence?

Student: I do understand.

Honesty is most difficult for you, my sister, for you have yet to recognize that the self is dishonest most of the time - with the self first and foremost; thereby, resulting in dishonesty with others - it is inescapable. Do you understand?

Student: Yes.

When the self lies to the self, it is to feed the unhealed portion of the self. Do you understand?

Student: Yes.

It is as Te’ Auna told you earlier - be suspect of any kudos; refuse the self kudos, congratulations, rewards. It is to recognize the battle is uphill and that the self need commit and dedicate the self, starving the unhealed portion of the self, recognizing that it has been well fed through this and many, many, many previous lifetimes. It is service that will promote its starvation - service that seeks no recompense, service that seeks no reward, nor even thank you.